February 28, 2001

I saw that sex is an unbelievably powerful force for good OR bad in all areas of our lives—physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional.  I honestly think we really have NO idea of just how powerful it is.  When it's used the way God planned it, it bonds a husband and wife together in the most intimate, powerful way possible . . . and, therefore, immensely strengthens the environment in which children can be raised.  When it's misused, it deeply, irreparably damages both lives and spirits.  Even when misused once, it damages you . . . and that damage is almost invariably passed down to the next generation.  I heard story after story that glaringly proved this.  For those of us who became teenagers or adults during the "do your own thing" attitude of the 1970s, this may be news . . . but then again, some of us have lived long enough to learn it for ourselves.  The God Who designed and made us . . . and Who loves us dearly . . . knows EXACTLY what He's talking about in this area (and every other area, of course).  

I saw how powerful words are for good or evil . . . and how their results, too, continue for generations.  I knew this already, but I saw the results up close—and it scared me to death when I thought about the careless, selfish words I've said and the loving words I've neglected to say . . . especially when it comes to my own children.  

I saw how people are damaged by words, misuse of sex, the selfishness of others, and by the violence that comes from all this . . . and how they turn to drugs and alcohol to try to escape from this hell on earth.  I saw how the lack of control that people have while using drugs and alcohol causes them to do things that even the "worst" person wouldn't normally do.  I heard the women inmates say in anguish, "How could I have gotten high on drugs with my own children right there in the same house?  How could I have put them in such danger?"  I heard them talk about how stupid they felt they were for impulsive marriages . . . and how many had left one bad marriage only to jump into another only months later, which even more quickly turned bad.

I saw that the number-one thing on the inmates' minds was their children . . . worrying about what was happening to them since mom wasn't there to take care of them—and being torn apart at not being able to see or touch them.  Some of the women had left a baby at home, and now that baby had become a teenager.  I listened as we moms on the outside talked about how little difference there really was between us and the inmates . . . how we, too, knew that we could be pushed too far given the right set of circumstances.  I saw how the volunteers and the inmates mourn over our parenting mistakes in exactly the same way . . . and how absolutely impossible it is to be a good parent without God's constant help. 

I saw how a gentle touch or a big hug could work wonders in both the inmates and in me—whether I was giving or receiving the hugs.  These are the kind of hugs that you don't want to end . . . you find it hard to let go.  I saw the most beautiful smiles I've seen in my life (the only smiles more beautiful are the ones from my own children).  And I felt so frustrated that I could have cried when visiting the inmates in "Seg" (segregation), when all I could do was touch their fingers through the mesh doors of their cells.  I constantly thought, "With only one or two little changes in my life—one more little stupid, selfish 'mistake'—that could have been me."  I remember when I was in my teens and 20s, thinking of the things "I'd NEVER do!"  I bet I haven't thought that naïve thought in six years or more.  Sooner or later, even the "best" humans can't even handle it without God; and I  KNOW  I wouldn't even come close to qualifying for one of the "best."   (See also "Star Wars—The Two Adams" or "Anakin is Us.")

I also heard horrifying, jaw-dropping stories from my fellow volunteers that made me realize that without God's rescue mission in their lives, some of them wouldn't be alive right now—much less sane and not in prison.  They could offer real hope to the inmates because they, too, had been rescued by God from the same types of awful situations the inmates had come from.  They were living, breathing trophies of God's grace and goodness and absolute power that proved beyond any doubt His reality and His relentless love for every last one of us humans.  And let me tell you—they offered real hope for ME, too. 

My goodness!  The stories I heard . . . the pain I saw in eyes, in voices, in MANY tears shed (by us, too, as we saw that pain) . . . and then the overwhelming joy of the inmates and the volunteers as we remembered that Jesus is forever on our side and can do the impossible . . . and always, ALWAYS delights in us!  I'll never forget the reaction of that church full of women inmates and male and female volunteers as we sang these lines from one of my favorite songs: 

"Oh, I feel like dancing—it's foolishness, I know. 
But when the world has seen the Light, 
They will dance with joy as I'm dancing now!"

(from "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever") 

So many of us had been rescued out of so many situations . . . almost the whole roomful of well over 100 people were on their feet, cheering, clapping, hands thrown toward the sky celebrating what God has done for each one of us.  And then there was volunteer Deborah Ross, acting out the words of a song about the alabaster box (see Mark 14:3-9; Luke 7:36-50)—explaining how no one can say our passion for Jesus is foolish or extravagant when they don't know the cost of the "perfume" in that box that we pour on Him . . . the "cost" of what He rescued us from and what He gave us in place of it.

"Foolishness" to dance with joy as we thank the One Who gave His ALL to rescue us—even those of us who had once practically spit in His face?  Oh, no—it's the most logical reaction in the world.  When you are loved and valued like that—by no less than the Creator and King of the universe—NO celebration is big enough. 

... the people living in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.  (Matthew 4:16)

There's something special about that plain chapel in Gatesville's Mountain View Unit where we have our main services.  I think I'm beginning to understand what "holy ground" means, because I can barely stand to leave that place.  To my fellow daughters of the King—already dressed in white—I say thank you for what you show me about our amazing God and His breathtakingly beautiful Son. 

"Say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.'  Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.  Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy.  Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert."  (Isaiah 35:4-6)

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands ... "  (Isaiah 49:15-16)

"I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for My anger has turned away from them."  —God, talking to the prophet Hosea about His people (Hosea 14:4) 

Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts.  Let him turn to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon. (Isaiah 55:7) 

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden light."  —Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I.   —God, talking to the prophet Isaiah about His people  (Isaiah 58:9)

 ... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.   —the Apostle Paul (Romans 3:23-24)

For this reason (Jesus) had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted.  (Hebrews 2:14-15, 2:17-18)

(about Jesus, now our great High Priest:)  For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses ...   (Hebrews 4:15)